"Come gather 'round people
Wherever you roam
And admit that the waters
Around you have grown"
I have been weight training consistently for 16 years, have been training family and friends since I was in high-school, and have spent the last 8 years professionally coaching others full time.
By way of this, I’ve spent the last 8 years focusing very hard on developing my business, and on forming relationships with other coaches, gyms, and clients. I have also spent this time working hard on developing myself as both a professional and as an athlete through continuing education, sport training, and competition.
I developed a schedule that I’ve executed every week without fail:
Up at 4:30
Lift 5:00 am to 6:30 AM
Coach clients all day
Evening admin and consistent Sunday afternoon programming and article / newsletter writing.
Why am I telling you this?
Because three months ago we had a baby and my routine absolutely fell apart and my motivation to train and my identity around it shifted overnight. I’ve honestly felt a little lost on how to re-stabilize and integrate the fact that life is less predictable and that I have a child to care for, a wife to be present with, a business filled with people that rely on and trust me, my training to execute, etc.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I am the happiest I have ever been and I am absolutely loving being a parent but my energy availability and ability to ridgidly structure my days is simply less right now.
A lot of folks, especially the kinds of personalities like mine and of folks who also work in this field are perfectionists who think they can give 100% of themselves to EVERYTHING and that they can have it all – all the time.
Trust me…I have tried this on more than one occasion – it doesn’t work very long. There is never enough caffeine, you cannot be ON all the time, and trying to do so gets you burnt out and worn down in a way that is unsustainable.
So what do we do when life gets sticky and motivation to train gets hard? You adapt! In this stage of life I am up at weird hours getting the baby to sleep and sustainably waking up at 4:30 is not something I can do while still having the energy / health to do my job, be a parent and a partner, and faithfully execute my own training.
I have adapted by doing workouts later in the evening when the baby is napping. Sometimes they’re shorter, sometimes they’re longer, some days I am under slept and my body just can’t manage the same volume as before. I am still training my martial arts but less days a week with other folks and more days doing drills a home when I have gaps in my schedule. I know that this season is not forever.
Also, quite frankly – the insecure part of me that felt like it wanted to prove something by being strong or bad ass or tough shrunk when I became a parent. My insecurity about being seen as week or less capable because of my injuries shrunk. My insecurity around my client’s not respecting me if I don’t compete or can’t to X-Y or Z athletic endeavor shrunk. The little voice that said “people would respect you more with a masters degree or a doctorate” shrunk.
Suddenly, my need for affirmation and my insecurity felt trivial and selfish compared to the idea that this person is going to learn how to be a person by watching Laura and I.
Now, I am focusing on the fact that my daughter will learn how to take care of herself if she sees me doing the same. She will learn to be too hard on herself if I demonstrate unhealthy boundaries or over identify my sense of self with work or sport. She will learn balance if I live that balance. I want only to pass down the relationship with training, sport, and work that has been good for me, and I want to set aside the unhealthier thoughts and feelings I sometimes have around it because I don’t want her to battle with those same insecurities.
"You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable."
Yesterday, I drove up to Wichita to coach a client through her first powerlifting meet and she absolutely crushed it. Seeing the joy and excitement and being present while she got to experience competing for the first time and seeing old friends in the competition world was wonderful.
On our third bench attempt before she walked out I said, “whatever you do insist on that bar going up and keep believing that it will. It will feel heavy, don’t believe it, you’ve trained for this”
After a successful press of 170# she came up and said “I am glad you said that, I needed to hear it – and it worked! I’m glad you’re here.”
That hit me like a ton of bricks. This is what it’s all about. It’s never been about just the weight on the bar or the physical accomplishments. It’s community, it’s showing up and reminding ourselves and others that we are capable of being more than we’ve previously been, that our challenges should grow and change us, and that we aren’t alone during our struggles or our triumphs. We don’t have to do it alone.
I am thankful for this time and this opportunity to grow through these changes even when they are challenging. I am excited to continue to step forward as a parent and a coach, and to let these experiences inform and shape a more expansive sense of self as I adapt and grow into this next phase of life.
Coaches are humans too and we struggle with the same things our clients and athletes do. If you’ve read this far and you are part of the Unbreakable family I am thankful for you and to be on this journey with you.